You Know Your Child. Here’s How to Turn What You Know Into an Effective IEP
Parents and caregivers often know what their child needs but aren't sure how to translate that knowledge into IEP goals, accommodations, behavior supports, and other special education services. The goal isn't for families to learn special education terminology. It's for the IEP team to turn what families know about their child into educational needs that are observable, teachable, measurable, and useful at school.
One of the things I hear most often from families is some version of:
“I know my child. I just don't know how to explain what they need at school.”
You may know that your child shuts down when they feel overwhelmed.
You may know that they can complete difficult work at home when they have enough time, but rarely show the same skills at school.
You may know that when they say “I don't care,” they're often frustrated, embarrassed, or trying to get out of a situation that feels too hard.
You may even know exactly what helps.
But then you sit down at an IEP meeting and hear terms like baseline data, specially designed instruction, supplementary aids and services, functional behavior assessment, and least restrictive environment.
Suddenly, knowing your child and knowing what to ask for can feel like two very different things.
They shouldn't be.
Key Takeaways for Parents
What you know about your child is important IEP information. Family observations can help the IEP team understand patterns that school assessments and data may not fully capture.
Start with what you want to be different for your child, not special education terminology. The IEP team can help determine which goals, accommodations, services, or supports may address that need.
A measurable IEP goal is not automatically an appropriate IEP goal. The goal should teach a skill that meaningfully improves your child's ability to learn, participate, communicate, regulate, advocate for themselves, or become more independent.
Behavior support should address why behavior is happening, not simply try to stop it. Effective behavior support includes prevention, skill development, and clear adult responses.
You don't have to wait until the annual IEP meeting to raise a concern. When needs change or supports aren't working, families can bring that information back to the IEP team.
How Parent Input Helps an IEP Team Identify Educational Needs
Parents and caregivers bring information to an IEP team that assessments and school data may not fully capture.
You see patterns across years, environments, teachers, activities, and relationships.
You know what motivates your child. You know what overwhelms them. You may know which skills are genuinely independent and which ones happen only when an adult provides significant support.
That information matters.
The challenge is translating what you know into information the IEP team can use to make educational decisions.
For example:
What you know:
“My child does much better when they know what's going to happen ahead of time.”
What the IEP team might explore:
Does the student need a visual schedule? Advance notice of changes? Previewing of unfamiliar activities? Explicit instruction for navigating transitions?
Or:
What you know:
“My child understands the work, but when they get frustrated, they completely shut down.”
What the IEP team might explore:
What happens immediately before the student shuts down? What skills could help the student communicate that they're overwhelmed? What environmental or instructional changes could prevent the situation from reaching that point? Does the student need an IEP goal, accommodation, behavior support, or some combination of these?
Families shouldn't have to learn how to speak like educators to participate meaningfully in an IEP.
The IEP team's job is to take what families know and help translate it into educational needs that can be observed, taught, supported, and measured at school.
Start With the Outcome You Want for Your Child
A useful way to prepare for an IEP meeting is to start by identifying what you want to be different for your child at school.
Before worrying about whether something belongs under goals, accommodations, services, behavior supports, or another section of the IEP, ask yourself:
What do I want to be different for my child at school?
Maybe you want your child to be included in more general education classes.
Maybe you want them to learn regulation becoming overwhelmed.
Maybe you want fewer calls home asking you to pick them up early.
Maybe you want your child to be more independent.
Maybe you want them to develop stronger relationships with peers.
These are not necessarily IEP goals by themselves. They are outcomes that give the IEP team somewhere to start.
Once you identify the outcome, the next question is:
What is getting in the way of that outcome right now?
That question can help move the conversation from “What should we put in the IEP?” to “What does this student actually need?”
How to Tell Whether an IEP Goal Is Appropriate
A measurable IEP goal can still be the wrong goal for a student.
Measurable and appropriate IEP goals are an important part of ensuring that your child receives meaningful special education services.
When you review an IEP goal, ask yourself:
If my child meets this goal, will it make a meaningful difference in their ability to participate, learn, communicate, regulate, advocate for themselves, or become more independent at school?
Consider a student who frequently leaves class when work becomes difficult.
The student might have an IEP goal focused on staying in their seat.
Staying seated is something a team can measure.
But it may not address the skill the student actually needs.
Perhaps the student needs to learn how to recognize when they're becoming overwhelmed.
Perhaps they need to request assistance.
Perhaps they need to learn how to break a difficult task into manageable pieces.
Perhaps they need to learn how to appropriately request or access a break.
Those are very different educational targets.
When you're reviewing an IEP goal, don't only ask:
“Can we measure this?”
Also ask:
“Are we teaching the skill my child actually needs?”
How Behavior Support Fits Into an IEP
When behavior interferes with a child's education, understanding why the behavior is happening is more useful than simply describing what the behavior looks like.
Families are often given a lot of information about what their child is doing:
Refusing work.
Leaving the classroom.
Yelling.
Putting their head down.
Arguing.
Escalating.
Those descriptions may be important, but describing behavior isn't the same as understanding it.
A strong approach to behavior support should help the IEP team understand:
why the behavior may be happening
what tends to happen before the behavior
what adults can do to prevent predictable problems
what skills the student needs to learn
how adults should respond when the student is struggling
This is one reason Functional Behavior Assessments (FBAs) and Behavior Intervention Plans (BIPs) can be important when behavior is interfering with a student's education.
The goal of behavior support shouldn't simply be to stop behavior.
The goal should be to understand what the student may be communicating through their behavior and build skills and supports that make challenging behavior less necessary.
For a student who leaves class when work becomes difficult, for example, the educational need may not be “stay in class.”
The team may need to understand what makes leaving more likely, what support could prevent the situation from escalating, and what skill the student needs instead.
That could lead to a very different plan.
You Don't Have to Wait Until the Annual IEP Meeting to Raise Concerns
Families can bring concerns to the school team when their child's needs change or when an IEP goal or support doesn't appear to be working.
One misconception I hear from families is that once an IEP is signed, they have to wait until the next annual meeting to raise concerns.
You don't.
If you're seeing a new pattern, your child's needs have changed, a goal doesn't seem appropriate, or a support isn't working, you can communicate those concerns to the school team and request a conversation about the IEP.
You also don't need to walk into that conversation with the solution already figured out.
You can start with what you know:
“We're noticing…”
“Our child is telling us…”
“We're concerned that…”
“We'd like to better understand…”
“The outcome we're hoping for is…”
These are useful starting points because they give the IEP team something specific to explore.
How to Advocate at an IEP Meeting Without Creating Conflict
IEP advocacy does not have to be adversarial. Families can advocate by asking clear questions, sharing observations, and keeping the conversation focused on their child's educational needs.
Families sometimes hesitate to advocate because they don't want to damage their relationship with the school.
Advocacy doesn't have to mean walking into a meeting prepared for a fight.
It can mean asking:
“Can you explain what that means?”
It can mean slowing down the conversation when you don't understand something.
It can mean asking:
“How will we know whether this support is working?”
It can mean bringing information about what you're seeing outside of school.
It can mean asking how an IEP goal connects to the outcome everyone is hoping to achieve.
And sometimes advocacy means saying, respectfully and clearly:
“I don't think this is addressing what my child needs.”
Parents and caregivers are important members of their child's IEP team.
You shouldn't need a special education degree to participate meaningfully in your child's IEP.
Questions Parents Can Ask at an IEP Meeting
If you're struggling to translate what you know about your child into IEP language, you can bring the conversation back to a few practical questions:
What skill does my child need to learn?
What is currently getting in the way of my child's participation or progress?
How does this IEP goal address that need?
How will we know whether my child is making progress?
What support will my child receive while they're learning this skill?
What happens before the behavior we're concerned about?
What are adults doing to prevent predictable difficulties?
Is my child able to use this skill independently, or only with adult support?
How will we know whether this accommodation or support is working?
What outcome are we trying to achieve for my child?
You don't have to know which IEP section contains the answer before asking the question.
The purpose of the IEP process is to determine how your child's educational needs should be addressed.
Frequently Asked Questions About Parent Participation in the IEP Process
What information should parents bring to an IEP meeting?
Parents can bring observations about what helps their child learn, what causes difficulty, which patterns they see across settings, what their child can do independently, and what outcomes they want to see at school.
You don't need to turn those observations into professional terminology before the meeting. Start with what you know and what you're seeing.
How can I turn my concerns into an IEP goal?
Start by identifying what you want your child to be able to do and what is currently getting in the way.
The IEP team can then explore whether the student needs explicit instruction in a new skill and whether that skill should be addressed through an IEP goal.
Not every concern necessarily requires a goal. Depending on the need, the team may also consider accommodations, supplementary aids and services, behavior supports, or other special education services.
How do I know if my child's IEP goals are appropriate?
An appropriate IEP goal should address a skill that meaningfully affects your child's education.
Ask what will be different for your child if they master the goal.
Will they be better able to learn, participate, communicate, regulate, advocate for themselves, or function more independently?
If you can't identify the meaningful educational difference the goal is intended to produce, that is worth discussing with the IEP team.
What should I ask when behavior is interfering with my child's education?
Ask what may be contributing to the behavior, what tends to happen before it, what adults are doing to prevent predictable problems, and what skills your child is being taught instead.
Behavior support should go beyond documenting that a behavior occurred.
The team should be thinking about prevention, skill development, and how adults respond when the student struggles.
Can I raise concerns before my child's annual IEP meeting?
Yes. Families do not have to wait for the annual IEP meeting to communicate concerns about their child's needs, goals, or supports.
If you're seeing a concerning pattern or believe something isn't working, you can bring that information to the school team and request a conversation.
What can I do if I don't think my child's IEP is meeting their needs?
Start by identifying the specific outcome you're concerned about and the evidence or observations that are leading to your concern.
You might explain what you're seeing, ask how the team is measuring progress, ask whether a support is being implemented as intended, or ask how a particular goal addresses your child's educational need.
You do not have to diagnose the problem or arrive with the solution before raising the concern.
When an IEP Advocate Can Help
An IEP advocate can help families understand the IEP process, identify important questions, and translate concerns about their child into educational needs the IEP team can address.
This is one of the main reasons I offer IEP advocacy.
My role isn't to take over the conversation between families and schools.
It's to help families understand what's being discussed, identify the questions that matter, and translate what they know about their child into educational needs the team can address.
That might include reviewing an IEP or behavior plan, helping you prepare for a meeting, looking at whether goals are measurable and appropriate, discussing concerns about behavior or inclusion, or attending an IEP meeting with you.
The goal is for you to leave the process more informed about your child's education and more confident communicating with the school team.
IEP Advocacy for Washington Families
Know something isn't working in your child's IEP, but aren't sure what to ask for next?
You don't need to know the special education terminology or have the solution figured out before asking for help.
You can start with what you already know about your child: what you're seeing, what isn't working, what helps, and what you want to be different.
From there, we can identify the questions that may help you have a more productive conversation with your child's school team.
Washington families can schedule a free 30-minute IEP Advocacy consultation to talk through what's happening, what you're concerned about, and what your next step might be.
