How to Communicate With Your Child’s IEP Team and Document Concerns
Good communication with your child's IEP team doesn't mean you have to agree about everything.
For parents of children receiving special education services, effective school communication means sharing specific concerns, asking questions, documenting important conversations and decisions, and following up when needed.
One of the simplest strategies I recommend to families is this:
If you have an important conversation with the school, follow up with a short email summarizing what you understood and what happens next.
You don't need to document every interaction or make every email formal. The goal is to create enough of a written record that you and the school team can answer:
What happened? What did we discuss? What did we agree to do? And what happened next?
Here's how to do that while maintaining a collaborative relationship with your child's school.
1. Start Conversations With Your IEP Team With Curiosity
When something isn't working at school, it can be tempting to begin by telling the team what needs to change.
Often, a better starting point is gathering information.
For example, instead of:
"My child's behavior plan isn't being followed."
You might say:
"We've noticed that Maya has been coming home increasingly overwhelmed on school days. Can you help me understand how the current behavior supports are working at school and what you're noticing?"
This gives the school team an opportunity to share information you may not have.
Parents know their children incredibly well. School staff see children in a different environment with different demands, peers, expectations, and supports.
Good IEP collaboration brings those two perspectives together.
That doesn't mean you can't disagree with the team. It means you begin by making sure everyone understands the concern and has the information needed to problem-solve.
2. Be Specific When Communicating Concerns to the School
"I'm concerned about school" is difficult for an IEP team to act on.
Instead, describe what you're actually noticing.
For example:
Your child is increasingly refusing to go to school.
Homework that should take 20 minutes is taking two hours.
Your child reports not receiving an accommodation listed in the IEP.
You're seeing an increase in calls home related to behavior.
Your child has been repeatedly removed from class.
You're concerned that progress toward an IEP goal has stalled.
Your child is spending less time with general education peers than you expected.
Specific observations give the team something concrete to discuss.
You don't need to know why something is happening before you raise the concern. And you don't need to arrive with the solution.
Identifying what is happening comes first.
3. What Should Parents Document for an IEP?
You do not need to document every interaction you have with your child's school.
Instead, focus on information that helps you understand patterns, decisions, requests, and follow-through.
Consider documenting:
significant concerns you have raised with the school
important meetings and conversations
requests you've made
decisions made by the IEP team
changes in your child's behavior or school experience
disciplinary removals or time outside the classroom
concerns about whether IEP services or accommodations are being implemented
data or records you've requested
changes the team has agreed to try
when the team plans to review whether those changes are working
Keep copies of important school records as well, including current and previous IEPs, evaluations, progress reports, behavior plans, meeting notices, and significant email correspondence.
You don't need a massive file documenting every school day.
Your documentation should help you look back several months later and understand:
What was the concern, what did we do about it, and did it work?
4. Follow Up Important School Conversations by Email
Not every important conversation happens during an IEP meeting.
You might talk to your child's special education teacher at pickup. A school psychologist might call you. You might have a quick virtual meeting with a case manager and administrator.
When an important decision or next step comes from a verbal conversation, send a brief follow-up email.
For example:
"Thank you for talking with me today about Sam's difficulty transitioning into math. I wanted to follow up to make sure I understood our next steps. My understanding is that the team will try adding a visual transition reminder beginning next week and collect data for two weeks. We'll reconnect after that to see whether it's helping. Please let me know if I missed or misunderstood anything."
That's enough.
The email establishes:
The concern → What the team agreed to try → Who will do what → When you'll follow up
It also gives school staff an opportunity to correct anything you misunderstood.
The purpose isn't to catch someone making a mistake.
It's to make sure everyone leaves the conversation with a shared understanding of what happens next.
5. Document Facts Before Conclusions
This is particularly important when you're frustrated with the school.
Whenever possible, document what happened before drawing conclusions about why it happened.
Instead of writing:
"The school refuses to support him during recess."
Consider:
"Over the past two weeks, he has come home three times reporting that he spent recess in the office following peer conflicts. Can you help me understand what support is currently available during recess?"
The second version identifies the same concern without assuming why it's happening.
Now the team has something specific to investigate.
Once you have more information, you can decide what the facts might mean and whether something needs to change.
6. Put Important IEP Requests in Writing
If you're making an important request related to your child's special education services, putting it in writing can help create clarity for everyone.
That might include:
requesting an IEP meeting
asking the team to review a specific concern
requesting records or data
asking about implementation of an accommodation or service
requesting that the team consider an evaluation or reevaluation
asking the team to review a behavior intervention plan
requesting discussion of a change in placement, services, goals, or supports
Your email doesn't need to sound legal or confrontational.
Clear and specific is usually more useful.
For example:
"I'd like to request an IEP meeting to discuss the increase in class removals we've seen over the past month and whether his current behavior supports are meeting his needs. Please let me know some possible dates for the team to meet."
You have clearly identified both what you're requesting and why.
7. Keep a Simple Parent Communication Log
If your child's situation is becoming complicated, a simple communication log can make it much easier to identify patterns and prepare for future IEP meetings.
You don't need an elaborate tracking system.
Try:
Date | What Happened | Communication/Action | Next Step
For example:
October 3: Child came home upset and reported missing science after an escalation. Emailed case manager asking what occurred. Waiting for response.
October 5: Phone call with case manager. Discussed increasing difficulty during transitions after lunch. Team will collect transition data for two weeks.
October 20: Followed up about transition data. Requested a meeting to review what the team is seeing.
A log like this can be especially helpful when several people are involved or concerns develop over multiple months.
Instead of trying to remember everything before an IEP meeting, you have a simple timeline to reference.
8. Collaboration Doesn't Mean You Can't Disagree With the School
Strong parent-school collaboration doesn't mean everyone agrees all the time.
You can value your child's teachers and still say:
"I'm concerned this isn't working."
You can listen to the team's perspective and still ask for more information.
You can disagree with a recommendation.
You can ask to see the data behind a decision.
And you can request that the IEP team reconvene when something isn't working.
Collaboration isn't the absence of disagreement. It's the ability to continue problem-solving together when disagreement occurs.
The goal is to keep bringing the conversation back to what your child needs to access school and make meaningful progress.
Questions to Ask When You're Not Sure What to Do Next
When school concerns become complicated, I often encourage families to come back to three questions:
What are we seeing?
What information or data do the family and school have about what is currently happening?
What do we think is contributing to it?
Do we have enough information to understand the problem, or is additional assessment or data needed?
What are we going to try next — and how will we know if it's working?
This last question is especially important.
A new support isn't the end of the conversation. The team also needs a way to determine whether that support is actually helping your child.
Frequently Asked Questions About IEP Communication and Documentation
Should I communicate with my child's school by email?
Email can be especially useful for important concerns, requests, decisions, and follow-up because it creates a written record that both you and the school can reference. Not every interaction needs to happen by email, though. Phone calls, meetings, and in-person conversations can be valuable too. Consider sending a brief email afterward when an important decision or next step was discussed.
Should I follow up by email after an IEP meeting?
You can. If there are important next steps you want to clarify, a short follow-up email can summarize your understanding of what was discussed and what will happen next. You can also review the school's formal documentation from the meeting and ask questions if something doesn't match your understanding.
What should I keep in my child's special education records?
Consider keeping copies of your child's IEPs, evaluations, progress reports, behavior plans, important school correspondence, meeting notices, and other records related to significant concerns or decisions. A simple chronological communication log can also be helpful.
What if I disagree with my child's IEP team?
Start by clearly identifying the point of disagreement and asking the team to explain the information or data supporting its recommendation. You can ask questions, share your own information, request that the team consider alternatives, and document your concerns. Disagreement does not mean that collaboration has failed.
When should I ask for help from an IEP advocate?
Families seek advocacy support for many different reasons. You might want additional support if you don't understand the special education process, have difficulty communicating your concerns to the team, aren't sure whether your child's IEP reflects their needs, are experiencing repeated behavioral or disciplinary concerns, or feel stuck about what to do next.
You Don't Have to Navigate the IEP Process Alone
Families bring essential knowledge about their children. Educators bring knowledge about the school environment.
Good special education planning should bring those perspectives together.
At School Behavioral Consulting, we help Washington families understand special education, translate what they know about their child into meaningful school supports, and communicate effectively with their child's school team.
Our approach to IEP advocacy is collaborative and focused on helping families feel informed and confident participating in the process.
IEP advocacy services are available to families throughout Washington State.
If you're unsure what to ask, what documentation matters, or what your next step should be, you can schedule a free 30-minute IEP Advocacy consultation to talk through your concerns.
Allison Mahoney, M.Ed., BCBA, LBA
Founder & CEO, School Behavioral Consulting
Helping families understand special education, communicate what they know about their child, and work collaboratively with school teams.
